CBD Massage and Biohacking

Thinking of having a CBD massage in New Jersey but unsure of whether it’s worth it. Also, I’m just not sure it’s for me. I have read a lot about CBD. It seems like it might be a bit of hype, but I’ve also read a few studies suggesting that it’s beneficial for people interested in bio-hacking. You know, biohacking? Like trying to change your body and mind? Like, using science? Okay, forget about it. I tried.

Anyway, I have had CBD in smokable form. It does not get you high. (It’s legal! gawd!) But it does make me feel relaxed. I think? It’s boring. Definitely not something people would abuse or use for “fun.” But it’s got qualities that can help a person feel better.

That doesn’t mean I will enjoy a CBD massage. I have no idea of what the effects might be. I am looking for an experience where I can relax and maybe get some pain relief. I’m a strong believer in essential oils, although I really haven’t done too much experimenting. Seriously, it’s been on my mind since I was 12. I suck. I really want to get into the essential oils thing. The next time I get a massage, I’m going to bring my own blend of oil. Organic, cold-pressed oils like sunflower or maybe almond. And, I want to blend in some exotic essential oils to amplify the healing effect.

If you think I’m too New Age, let me remind you that most of that is from Hinduism, a very Old Age way of life. Anyway, I am trepidatious about this all. Like, my sister keeps telling me, “What if you get a severe allergic reaction?” OK, Ashley may just have a point. I can still see her bright green eyes open sooo wide, framed by her short blonde hair. I must have been about 11. She was eight. I ate a strawberry. I snuck it. I knew I was allergic, but I loved the taste. I turned colors, she says to this day. She screamed, “Mommmmmmmmmmmm! Katie’s purple!” In true fact, we ended up in the ER. I was fine, but I get her point.

That’s really what’s held me back from applying essential oils topically. Or, ingesting them. If you read labels, you’ll see the processed foods we know and love use essential oils. My dream massage would be at home, with two therapists, and the oil would be some alchemical admixture I developed and let sit in moonlight for a month. I really am serious; you don’t know me! I am really going to do this. I just have to overcome the fear of allergies.

Maybe I should have my epi-pen handy, just in case? I mean, I know the allergens that cause me issues. But essential oils are just not what I’m allergic to. It’s corn, strawberries, dairy, soy, and that’s it. I don’t even get hay-fever. I feel like essential oils represent another plane of healing, distinct from vitamins, herbs, yoga, and everything else. God put all these plants here. The cosmic synchronicity assures us that the plants on the Earth may well do us good.

I know some plants are poisonous, but even many of those are beneficial and are medicinal in very small quantities. For my first experience, I’d definitely prefer a CBD massage in my own home. I think that it’s probably the best place to be, considering I may just bug out. I don’t want to embarrass myself, to be perfectly honest. I know CBD has many benefits but for me, it’s just another avenue of growth I’ve only checked out briefly. (There are a lot of things like that in my life.)

When seeking out a massage therapist for this, I am going to ask for a woman who is a shaman, perhaps someone in touch with the moon cycles. I know that sounds far-fetched. If you think an eight year old is writing this blog, I guess you’ve noticed that I’m just a kid at heart. What can I say? I am a raw and real person. That’s about it.

CBD Massages are definitely a thing. And, I know it’s going to add an extra fee to the bill. SO, we’ll see. Chances are, I probably won’t actually try this until 2035. I was always late getting into things, as a kid.

Banner Image by Julia Teichmann from Pixabay

Were People Dumb Once

I like watching old commercials. But these commercials make me wonder if people were stupid in the past. How can you claim a cigarette will freshen your breath? People in the 1960s must have been really out of it. Come to think of it, our progressive society has been a success.

Education taught generations how to get along, without paying much mind to color or religion. We learned how to do our own thing. In the ’60s, people were more like sheep. I guess this is all before LSD and the hippie generation? Is this what they were rebelling against? Being told cigarettes make you have fresh breath?

Banner Image by VintageBlue from Pixabay

Massages Can Be a Trip

Let me begin this blog entry by stating, for the record, that I am not some massage expert. I am just a woman who tries to stay at my peak of performance. And so, I employ many techniques to achieve those ends. One is massage therapy. I go for massages pretty often. But I have had my share of massage therapists from hell. In no particular order, I’m going to share them with you right now. If you’re looking for medical massage in New Jersey like I was, you will find these stories interesting. I have had some incredible massages, as well as some real shoulder shruggers.

The first experience I am going to get into was a massage from a woman LMT at a local place, not even a chain. Just a privately owned local day spa in one of New Jersey’s better towns. I had received a gift certificate for a one hour session from my Aunt. I think that was the last year all the aunts and uncles gave their nieces and nephews gifts. I think I was 25? Sad that time goes on. My grandparents were still living then! 😦

Anyway, this woman would not stop talking about her dining experience the previous evening, a lavish affair, apparently. Her husband had taken her out for her anniversary. I didn’t mind listening, but every time she’d get into a particular detail, her hands would stop moving. Not cool. First of all, I’m a vegan. But I don’t let on about that. You want to tell me how great the steak was? I’m not going to ruin it for you.

And, if talking about your husband, and how cute he looked makes you massage better, talk all day about the man and steaks! But it didn’t. My therapist could not walk and chew gum; she should have been just focusing on my massage. Oh, and she injured me. My shoulder was hurt for a week. I kid you not.

OK, another great memory. I was going for a medical massage at a local massage school. The therapist started at fifteen after the hour, and ended at 50 after the hour. Huh? That’s only a 35 minute massage! I paid for a full hour! I wrote in the review that we were required to do for the students that I was shorted. Was I ever given a gift certificate or even an apology? Nope. No wonder that massage school is gone! I looked on a Massage school directory to find a new place, but it seems many have gone under. COVID? The economy? Who knows!

Kind of sad, because there isn’t going to be enough therapists to help everyone needing help. It’s a really sad future we’re looking at. I wonder if the massage schools closing will affect the supply of massage therapists and thus send the price skyrocketing? I need deep tissue massage to feel well. Is this going to have to require a loan in the future?!

My third experience I’ll mention was not about a therapist. It was just a weird time I had. The massage was actually one of the top ten of my life. But it was at a spa with these awkward room dividers. Just a sliding curtain, kind of a heavy material. But you could hear everything in the next cubicle or whatever. Definitely not a feeling of personal space. There was this strange woman in the next area who wildly exclaimed how her tension in her groin was now gone. I guess it doesn’t sound so funny or odd right now. It was more how she said it. My therapist laughed. I laughed. I’m sure clients and LMTs all around the treatment room laughed. It was just so awkward. Cringy. The way the woman said it. Ewwwww.

In any case, medical massage is about as helpful as the therapist. There are tons of studies, however, that show that therapeutic massage, when performed properly, can have a plethora of positive health effects. In fact, there’s more proof of massage therapy’s efficacy than there is for chiropractic care or even acupuncture. Yet, I can get both services if I need to through insurance. I wish my insurer covered medical massage. I don’t exactly know if chiropractic care is even to be trusted. Jerking a person’s neck so quickly has to be questionable, at least for some patients, I would think.

Another strange experience involving massage? I was sprayed accidentally at work with malathion, a pesticide. I had a massage scheduled, and I went in for it, despite knowing that I had been exposed to a dangerous chemical. As the massage progressed, my body stiffened. It was the weirdest experience of my life. I sometimes wonder why chemicals like that are even used in agriculture any longer. There have to be safer alternatives.

OK, my fifth and final story. I was having a massage. It was one of those chain spas. I had gone three times. This was my fourth session. At session three I had been talked into a monthly membership. I really just bought it to make the person at the front desk stop asking. It was getting uncomfortable, plus I had just had a massage. They probably know it’s a good time to try hitting someone up for money. I also had to get home to go potty. The massages hadn’t been that great, but it was relatively cheap, and only a block from my office complex.

This time, it was the therapist doing the selling. When the session was done, she began, “These days we all need to stay hydrated. (pause) But often, that’s not enough. (pause) That’s why I use blah-blah brand oxygenated water” as she held the bottle in her hands like it were gold or some equally precious fine wine. Vanna White came to mind, as well as the scores of nameless women fawning over prizes on game shows running on daytime TV for housewives and people between jobs.

Huh? Was she really throwing a sales pitch at me while I lay bare under a thin sheet? Could this be happening?! Apparently, yes. OH NO, YOU’RE NOT. I’m trying to rest and relax, girl! She continued, “For the low, low price of only $95, I can get you a box of ten bottles of this amazing water. It’s a real exclusive!” (flashes teeth in the worst fake smile ever)Was I hearing this right? Was my massage therapist trying to sell me magical water at $10 a bottle? Could this really be happening? She sounded like one of those women from a 1950s commercial trying to peddle smokes to an unsuspecting audience.

I couldn’t help myself. I started laughing. Uncontrollably. I couldn’t stop. I literally wet myself. The therapist left the room with a few nasty words for me. Of course, I left a small tip. I had change from the deli, and so I gave her exactly seven cents. I also left a small piece of gum from my pocketbook. As well as some fine lint.

I tried cancelling my monthly service with the spa that day. They claimed it was cancelled. The woman at the front desk asked me if I was sure no less than five times. Apparently, she drank this special water, too, with amazing results!

She said my account was done. But it was not. Every month, for three months, they’d charge me. So, finally, I reported my credit card stolen and reported the charges as unauthorized. Little did the desk lady know I had the presence of mind to video her telling me my account was cancelled. My credit card company refunded me the entire amount.

I would say the name of the spa, but I don’t want to get sued for a million dollars. So, let’s just leave it at this. It’s one of the top five brands of day spas you find all over New Jersey. And generally, the massages SUCK. Oh, and they try to get you into a membership which has so many conditions on it, it’s a joke. Oh, and, they sell clients magic water. Think you have a clue? You’ve probably guessed correctly. You have a way better chance of getting it right than you do of getting a good massage there!

Banner Image by Heike Frohnhoff from Pixabay

Autoimmune Disorders

I suffer from lupus. My mom does also. So does my cousin. And another cousin of my Mom succumbed to scleroderma decades ago. I think it was the treatment that ultimately killed her. My Mom had been close with her since childhood. My Mom’s cousin’s husband was a saint. I mean for real. He was always going to church, like on days no one goes. And, he was just a quiet, kindly man. He wouldn’t say much, but he radiated such a positive vibe. He didn’t speak much English. His name was Jose Diego Alvarez. When I say he was a saint I actually mean that. Not some holy roller who says Jesus this Jesus that. An actual self-realized person. If you met him, you’d think he was just a really nice guy.

Banner Image by Bruno /Germany from Pixabay

Heredity

Where did I get my eyes? My eyes are bright green hazel and both my parents have brown eyes. But both also have the slightest bit of green. Could that be why? I found the greatest subReddit. Check it out to see some strange eyes I didn’t post my own. I am far too shy.

So far, I have only seen one pair of eyes like my own, and it was just a YouTube image search. Anyway, people have such an incredible diversity of eyes. It’s crazy. Of course, these are all the wildest eyes. People with wild eyes who seek attention. What about the other wild eyes, belonging to shy people?

There are probably many amazing eyes that don’t get on the Reddit forum, of people with more sensitivity and not out there seeking attention. Maybe the shy ones. Socially awkward? I wonder if they have distinctly different eyes from the attention-seekers. I bet yes.

Image by Bessi from Pixabay

Angel Dust

Angel Dust is a very bad drug. Don’t ever take this. I am warning you. You will regret it. It is not tobacco, it is not cannabis, it is not hemp. It will mess you up so bad you’ll be praying for the first time in five years or however long it’s been for you. That’s just an average for the readers, I guess.

Me? I pray daily. Hourly. Every minute. Practically. Seriously, though. Angel Dust is a bad drug. It’s also called PCP and it’s really not healthy to consume in ANY form. Oh, and, it’s also called “wet” and people do this all over every city in the U.S. that I’ve been to hanging out on vacation and work-related travel.

My advice is to never smoke anything with a stranger, ever! That’s true if you’re a guy, girl, trans person, whatever! You might really regret it. I am not being paranoid. There are some really depraved souls out there, using these powerful drugs to be able to get people to be taken advantage of. My cousin smoked a blunt in the schoolyard in the Bronx, and he ended up getting robbed. He came home without sneakers, no wallet or ID, his shirt torn. He was a mess for years over that one time.

Banner Image by Stefan Keller from Pixabay

Superwoman Of The Twenties

I am a superwoman. I can lift boulders off of cars and fly into the air in a single bound. I know no limitations. Once, I was a frail and uncertain girl, true to herself, but afraid. I am coming into my own. I am not perfect. There is always more work to be done. But I aim to be the most effective and compassionate version of myself I could possibly be. I am for perfection. That I fail is okay. That I improve is great. That I didn’t lose myself to life’s hell’s, that’s superb!

Image by Please Don’t sell My Artwork AS IS from Pixabay

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